some colleagues have been playing oldies at the workplace recently. maybe as the time for closures and endings come, people get nostalgic and turn to familiar tunes of yesteryears to hold on to some memories that refuse to be forgotten. and prevent the remaining days, often pretty predictable ones by now, from slipping away too quickly.
the year is drawing to a close, just like a chapter of my life on 15 december 2005. i will leave the school that i call home and my students and embark on a whole new journey elsewhere. I don't know what to expect or look forward to, suffice to say the recent days have been marked by anxiety and much melancholic pangs. And sometimes a tinge of regret to have said yes to a new job posting. career advancement they say. tho it feels more like an emotional avalanche. but i said yes and i can no longer stay.
to regret is a regrettable thing, is a trying process that wastes the psyche and mind away. i can't help it now. i can't help feeling this way. the truth is i do want to stay, and be with those i both love and hate. there are people who make leaving attractive but i don't wanna leave home and embark on a journey all by myself. even having an enemy who rises up against me is more tolerable than fighting lone battles with the self. how can i get through such dark nights of the soul and face the inner struggles that the wintry winds bring with them? deep inside, i know the winds do not carry these answers to be whispered across the corners of the earth. i shall never hear.
i only have about two months to finish loving those i can no longer love or hold on to. people i can no longer feel anguished about, lose sleep over, shed tears for, talk to and laugh together with. Those who have never known separation will never appreciate the precious present of togetherness, or understand the heart-wrenching moments of being away from people whom we cannot live apart from.
never knew i would get so emotional about parting. never thought it would be so difficult to say goodbye. time is almost relentless now. it passes so silently and solemnly, and so swiftly, refusing to stop for me or my passionate longings for those i will miss like crazy once i leave this place. the old melodies are still playing and speak of a time past. soon i will be writing all these as yesterday's memories. maybe by then, i might have lain down my pen, so that i will never have to remember i once was happy and loved so well.
